Almost fell asleep at mamak... cold wind woke me up, and whispered at my ears. She says,
"Life is beautiful because it's tough sometimes. Life is even more wonderful when u are enjoying every bit of it after the years of toughness."
Nah, just being corny.
The show is getting near, Julan is coming home soon, all stuff gotta be ready by hook or by crook... Very stressful, but I savour the process. The stress makes me feel that I am alive again, maybe for the first time since I got home.
The process is never easy... setting up the direction and finding the mutual thoughts, understanding the strength of each person in this mamak gang, writer block (again) and the "Oh F*ck I'm Screwed!" realization, some kinda lost and found where we let go Mr. "Timberlake" and got back our Mr Tay, spending long hours with the ethnic guys and experimenting, every bit of revealing the syncreatic voices in this society or simply the tone I'm trying to define mamak, cruelly deleted those unwanted stuff (and regretted most of the time, duh!)... never been easy dude. The way of living I am having now is definitely making my life short and moreover I don't get a cent out of it... But ya, I'm really savouring every moment to get there.
I'm recalling those days I spent long hours with homeless around westwood and santa monica, trying to find new ideas out of their life, meanwhile, digging some inner voices of myself... those days are tough, but invaluable. The moment my tears almost dropped when one of them came to the screening of a film I scored, priceless.
Why do I want my difficult life now? maybe for the sake of determining? maybe to prove something? That I'm not sure.
For the minute of having the pricelessness again, yes I wanna feel that again, in my own country.
BTW, saw this name somewhere online...
Du, Julan (杜巨瀾). Hey he's an assistant professor! Don't play play. LOL.
