收藏者

有时候
我问你的一句话
并不是想要一个答案
而是你的表情
一种很想将它收藏的表情

有时候
我见你的那一刻
并不是想要永远记着
而是忘掉你的难舍
一种也很想藏起来的难舍

就这样
每一次将你的笑颜收藏
然后每一次暗自神伤
凝望着你的模样
我明了什么是唯一不能隐藏

就这样
每一次将记忆收藏
然后每一次独自回想
计算着与你的时光
我再也不懂什么是可以衡量

在我心里
把你收藏

_{© All rights reserved}

What is this?

err am I too free? duh.



A guy carrying the soul of discretion... Maximum zoom on the sibelius LOL
Deadline? duh...

给大红明星的话

I tried to help Pete out, plugging the project to some BIG singers, some with idiotic ego in their bighead didn't give a damn.

Not only low public awareness a problem in our community, the irresponsible media, the politics and psychic power, and now I see it myself - the ignorance within the industry itself...

An urgent situation to be fixed! Malaysian Artistes for Unity.
I won't point out who? but I am really curious what they think when they see this project on air.

I've been meeting great people since I got home. But those assholes I knew before I left KL in 2004, remain brainless.

我想我也写中文。

大红明星你很红，但也只有红。
红得你看的所有都是红。
那些杂色的你不看的，我太熟你了。
另外那个小喇嘛，有脑也没用过的， 我更熟。
但是毕竟一场相识，所以有“好”色的，我忍不住通知你们。

只是叫你在这彩色画上图图你喜欢的红色 你嫌烦
最后小喇嘛call我，不知是小喇嘛没脑还是你头塞屎：
你家有团年饭你不来，
就是要大家排排坐看你在别人的运动会唱猴子戏。妈的！

马来西亚十个平民九个爱红，是悲剧。
媒体给了你红色，所以你红。
音乐里你有深红鲜红浅红可能有粉红
可笑的是只有红。
音乐里只有单色的，但偏偏就是那个 可以头大。

但是....

时代变了，你的红变粉红，慢慢变慢慢褪。
为什么？
因为悲剧里有人笑，哈！

因为爱看彩色的人越来越多
不然就是平民变贵族多了
所以爱红的平民十个剩五个
其中两三个兼看杂色，怕吗？

所以你头还大什么？
彩色画快出街了，丢掉你的红红眼镜来看吧！

我就看那一个平民会问他的大红明星在哪...

美丽时分谈卅岁死，六十葬

非常时期，而且还是在忧郁那种的时候，
你遇到到一个你会为自己兴奋的人，陌生人也可以...
那是无价！

如何无价？你发现你还活着，那就是无价。
当你活过你生命的四分一，你还会为自己遇到一个陌生人而兴奋，
那是难得自己对自己有价。

我听说城市人在卅岁死，六十葬。
有道理！

有朋友失业，见面竟然说：
"yo bro still alive arent you?"
"never better... duh! at least you are"
"fxxx 'm six feet under since last year, but my body's still coming to see yo man"
然后就是他的六十葬论

真的很好笑！
苦笑... 然后苦多过笑。
他流泪，我只有苦没有笑。

人为了生活过生活，为了责任为了承诺去干活，搞到精神残废。
活着但灵魂葬了，身躯到六十才可被葬。
很悲！

我还不至于如此吧！我好歹都是干着自己的理想。
虽然还没回到以前的稳定和挥霍...
但如果我有一天捧着现在的理想回到以前的物质享受，
我会笑着活！

人的梦醒时分，我在埋头赶货。
但忽然不留神的为一个陌生人兴奋...
我发现灵魂与我同在
至少现在... 紧紧和我身躯锁着。

谢！

Fuck.... I am exhausted

ok. I am going to bed. What kinda life is this? Damn, I miss LA so much lately.

The Extreme Sag...

最有肚量 ~ 射手
最大而化之 ~ 牡羊 o & 射手
最爱往外跑 ~ 射手
最喜欢刺激 ~ 射手 & 牡羊 & 双子 o
最爱好和平 ~ 金牛 & 巨蟹 & 射手
最不重视纪律 ~ 射手 & 水瓶
最不修边幅 ~ 射手
最不会记恨 ~ 天秤 o & 射手
最没耐心 ~ 射手 o & 狮子 o
最喜欢交朋友 ~ 射手 b & 天秤
最容易交到坏朋友 ~ 射手
最不会看脸色 ~ 射手
最会临时抱佛脚 ~ 双子 & 射手
最会突发奇想 ~ 双子 & 射手 & 水瓶
最乐观 ~ 射手
最禁的起玩笑 ~ 射手
最不重视精神层面 ~ 射手
最会伤人心 ~ 射手
动作最快 ~ 射手
最会丢三忘四 ~ 射手
最不会口是心非 ~ 射手
最不会烦恼 ~ 牡羊 & 射手
最多帅哥 ~ 射手
最快乐 ~ 射手
最拿得起放得下 ~ 双子 & 射手
最诚实 ~ 射手
最易犯罪 ~ 射手 & 牡羊
最好赌 ~ 射手
最怕无聊 ~ 射手 & 双子
最不会判断是非 ~ 射手
最会运动 ~ 射手
最不爱用功 ~ 射手
最不懂人情世故 ~ 射手 a

last 10... no, 9 days.

Dawn is near and the silent voice sings clear again.. so clear... and a bit blue, a bit gloomy, but I'm calm and cool... and cold.
My last 9 days in Los Angeles. What is going to happen in the next six months back home? Where am I going after six months? a bigger adventure in New York or back to LA? Just, stay calm, just...

Happy Birthday Carmen, How are you?

Silent Diary

When night is deep, and moon is high; when my mind is deep, word is little; when my mood is blue, and the silent voice is loud in my ears... These tunes speak my mood, this is my audio diary.

OK.... showing off my embarrassment

More pictures @ My Flickr Photo Albums

OK, Now you can kacau me and laugh the hell out of me.
I went to snowboarding @ Mountain High. I think I got the trick quite fast, but not quite right. Most of time, I was just able to sustain on the board for 5 seconds, fell, got up, couldn't stay straight, and FELL, got up, skate few seconds, fell, got up... keep repeating all these actions about 10 times a trip down the hill and went throughly insane in this so-called "enjoying" learning process. Worse than baby learning walking I'm sure!
I would fall in 10 seconds for sure - either I fell out of control or I chose to fall to stop coz it went crazily fast or was going to crash into a tree or stuff.

THEN, I got COMA for more than 24 hours after I got home, then the next 24 hours I was a the deadpan stoneman... after another 24 hours my body still hurt like hell, duh!!!

OK... grouching now!!! When we were going to leave that place, and I saw an area, like a walkway, a flatter slope where was crammed many people in together, and people snowboard there. Then I asked my friends what's that place... they said that was for beginners. I.... can I use bad word? FARK!!!! They didn't bring me there, coz they said I would learn so much faster if I go for the higher one... learned from falling is the most efficient way and enjoying!!! F
So I won't be troublesome next time and they don't have to take care of me and I HAVE TO go up the peak with them, next time, which is next week or two weeks later, at another bigger and higher snowboarding mountain - Big BEar!!!!!!

Now wanna wallop someone to LEPAS KU PUNYA GERAM from the snowboarding, and being cheated.!!!!!

PS: Actually this message was originally sent to Martha. Lazy to write a new one. Modified and use it... recycle.

Ok this is the trail map.
http://www.mthigh.com/trailmap/mthighmap.swf
I took the cable car right outside the Big Pines Lodge to go up the hill. OK.... it's beginner trail.... but there are easier trails near the chilren's academy or another one right outside the Bullwheel Bar and Grill. My friends kept pushing me to go up the highest point of the West Resort. I couldn't even see the top.... and it's definitely NOT fun to roll down from that 70-degree slope. I SEE, this is the reason they brought me to the higher trail and wanted me to learning from falling, so that I could go with them. JERK!

I think the most emberrassing one was taking off at the terminal from the Cable car chair, or the lift chair. It never stopped for you to get down. I gotta take off to the "runaway" track with my left foot on the board. (the lift get close to the ground at the terminal but the lift doesn't stop). Why only one foot on the board. Because before you get up to the cable car, you gotta queue up and you technically can't move with your both feet on your board, unless you jump like kangaroo, and you are not allowed to get on to the lift chair if one of your foot is not on your board. So your gotta walk like a crab or a penguin depends on where you put your the other foot. I went up 4 times... maybe 5. I fell everytime when I took off at the terminal... every farking time. The 1st time I fell was an disaster. It just didn't come across my mind I was in the middle of the way, and would block anyone coming down. I just knew my right calf (the right feet was off the board) hit my snowboard and pained like hell, and people screamed "get away, go go...." too late... two people at the back of my lift fell on my both sides, awfully. They didn't hit me thou probably because they tried to avoid me... and another two people hit them from the back... I was in the middle going no way. My bad... :P
I'm sure the "lifeguard" lady... or the "snowguard" recognized me. She said "be careful" after the last time I fell. SO WHAT.... I am dumb!!

PS: Fark is Julian chan's term... A better term to avoid lecture from people like ExUPMer and whoever. Anyway, I think FARK works too. Thanks Julian. :D

Santa Claus is coming to town.... DUH !!!


This was a gentle fall.


Videos on Mountain High Official Site. Really Cool.
http://www.mthigh.com/video/VideoVault06.7.html

Thank you, no next time. I wanna live pass 30 in one piece. LOL
Aiya... Shoehorn isn't afraid of anything. I think i'll go again, but not if I'm still in pain.

Just being sagittarius

Alright, I'm a sluggish, I'm clumsy... Just I don't like writing my blog on iWeb (a supplement web tools that comes together with Mac computer) anymore... So, I spent one whole day 24 hours working on this, coming back to blogspot.

Anyway, just being a real brainless sagittarius... I just did what I wanted to do, just follow the arrow dude. and finally, here I am - back to blogspot.

WORSE thing... meeting James (The director of the short I'm scoring now) tomorrow after lunch.... kinda in deep shit, and OKKKIIEE, the principle of Realization applies!

The Circle of Composing Gig
Hyper-Inspired Beginning, then the clearly stated period of 9 stages
Red underlined is the stage I am in now.

1. Always an Excessively Perfect LONG Draft

2. So-called "Writer Block" Realization

3. Proscrastinate (Often a House Cleaning Season)

4. Hyper-Motivated "The Deadline Factor" Realization

5. Draft-to-Craft Aggressiveness

6. The "Oh F*ck I'm Screwed!" Realization

7. Everything Cram

8. 24hrs Deadline (AFTER) Cram

9. After War Knock-out Celebration

Sooooo, Get ready for the CRAMMING proccess

DUH

When Neogio chatting with Silverfish

12:18:52 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: .
12:19:02 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: ？
12:19:25 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: ...
12:19:34 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: :|
12:19:49 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 想问你一见事
12:20:24 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 怎麼啦
12:20:59 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 你现在有没有男朋友？
12:21:11 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 我不是跟你講過
12:21:20 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 我有很認真的跟你講過喔
12:21:26 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 有？
12:21:39 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 你先想想我有沒有講過
12:21:50 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 你都沒有認真聽喔
12:21:52 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 現在問我
12:22:04 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 有
12:22:14 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 恩我跟你講過吧
12:22:22 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 是
12:22:25 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 对不起
12:22:37 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 我記得我很認真的跟你講過說
12:22:59 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: ok
12:23:17 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 怎麼啦
12:23:32 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 為什麼問我這個事
12:23:34 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 快說
12:24:13 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我可能没让自己记住吧
12:24:56 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 你一定有事
12:24:58 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 快說
12:25:03 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 没有拉！！！！
12:25:04 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 是不是有女朋友啦
12:25:06 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 有
12:25:12 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: grrr.
12:25:13 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 一訂有鬼
12:26:15 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 有人跟我说你有男朋友的
12:26:24 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 别试
12:26:48 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 誰
12:26:52 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 不過重點是
12:26:57 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 我有跟你講過
12:27:03 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 我不是沒有跟你講喔
12:27:04 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 然后我想。。。 你有跟我说。。 但我没让自己记住
12:27:09 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 我很真的跟你講過
12:27:14 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 有拉
12:27:20 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: :(
12:27:25 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 对不起
12:27:42 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: ....
12:27:56 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 喔
12:27:56 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 可是我真的没记住
12:28:06 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 可是你記得我有根你講過吧
12:28:34 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我昨天记起来了
12:28:44 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 昏倒
12:28:56 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 真的对不起
12:29:19 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我没有想要破坏人家
12:29:26 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 沒有事阿
12:29:39 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 哦
12:29:47 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 大笨蛋
12:29:48 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 沒記住
12:29:50 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 好
12:29:59 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 好什麼啦
12:30:04 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 我開玩笑的啦
12:30:15 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 你要好好珍惜
12:30:21 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 我
12:30:22 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 如果是好的感情
12:30:23 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 喔
12:30:29 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 对不起
12:30:32 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 我自己知道阿
12:31:42 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 真的被你打敗了
12:31:46 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 我以為你記得了
12:32:06 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 如果我记得。。。 我不会对你那么好。。。
12:32:08 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 笨蛋！！！
12:32:27 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我我不会让自己对你那么好。。。
12:32:45 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 那样做很坏
12:32:48 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 昏倒
12:33:14 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 怎麼搞得好像我也很白癡
12:33:21 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 沒發現你好像根本忘記這件事了
12:33:28 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 。。。。
12:33:52 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 哭
12:34:14 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 如果我记住。。。 那我很坏把？
12:34:22 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: ㄟ
12:34:30 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 就不知道再想什麼
12:34:50 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我可能一直以为你们有问题。。。
12:34:58 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: ....
12:35:11 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 可能一直以为你喜欢那GL 比较多
12:35:17 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: ㄟ
12:35:18 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 阿
12:35:19 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: ㄟ
12:35:20 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 阿
12:35:28 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 怎么样？
12:35:53 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 只覺得真難怪你會這樣覺得
12:36:25 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 有一点难看
12:36:40 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 難看???????????
12:36:49 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我拉！！
12:36:52 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 难堪
12:37:09 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: ㄟ
12:37:13 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 沒事阿
12:37:29 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 就想起來就沒事啦
12:43:57 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我前女友这星期结婚
12:44:08 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 難過？
12:44:14 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 没有
12:44:18 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 为他开心
12:44:36 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我那时和他一起不是那么好
12:44:37 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 那很好阿
12:45:40 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 深呼吸
12:45:47 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 出去走走
12:45:59 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 誰？
12:46:10 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我
12:46:32 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 哦。。。。
12:46:36 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我刚才
12:46:46 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 喔
12:47:17 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 在一家民歌餐厅唱歌
12:47:26 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 你？、
12:47:35 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 自弹
12:47:48 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 打工？
12:47:51 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 客人都不让我走
12:47:53 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 跟我朋友依樣
12:48:01 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 不是拉
12:48:15 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 朋友请我去吃饭
12:48:20 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: then
12:48:46 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 说一定要我上去弹唱我才可以回家
12:49:01 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我不想
12:49:05 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 呵呵
12:49:06 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 很不想
12:49:16 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 但他们一定要我上去
12:49:33 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 然后客人和DJ 也不让我走。。。
12:49:55 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 就在上面呆了很久
12:49:59 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 昏倒
12:50:37 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: :p
12:50:40 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 闷闷 的
12:50:44 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 怎麼啦
12:50:45 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 出去走走
12:50:49 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: bye
12:51:25 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 你
12:51:32 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 還在因為剛剛的事再悶喔
12:53:03 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 很难才找到自己喜欢的。。。 有点无奈。
12:53:12 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 不讲了
12:53:23 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: ㄟ
12:53:25 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 幹嘛啦
12:53:29 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 真是滴
12:53:33 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 别人喜欢其实自己会很幸福:D
12:53:35 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: hahaha
12:53:49 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 什麼啦
12:53:58 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 但我会 逃的
12:54:01 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: :D
12:54:02 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: hahah
12:54:08 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: aiya...
12:54:12 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 没事拉
12:54:28 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 你！！
12:54:48 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 經
12:54:50 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 身边的如果不珍惜！！
12:54:50 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 驚
12:55:07 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 我会 看不起你！！
12:55:22 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: ㄟ
12:55:28 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: 那我有備你看不起?
12:55:31 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 讲完！‘
12:55:49 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 散步去
12:55:52 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: bye
12:56:13 AM Neogio1130@hotmail.com: 8o|
12:56:15 AM Silverfish@hotmail.com: ...

Digital Disaster

I have to grouch about this...!!!

I accidentally deleted a folder on Nov 12, Sunday. and I didn’t notice!!! Emptying my trash without double-checking... typical SAG!!!

All my work in 3 weeks, 4 projects, all of a sudden, disappeared, evaporated!!!

I think I deleted them in the morning. Then in the afternoon, I realized the folder I wanted to delete was still on my desktop.... WHAT THE HECK!!! It was like... magnified and seems SUPER BIG at that moment. FARK (Julian’s version of F*ck) !!!! “Then what did I deleted” I thought.

Where is my “Latest Work” folder??!!! Hell, spending whole evening to call AppleCare (who cares about me since I didn’t pay for it), calling apple centers, looking for aids and the program that does data recovery. I finally got a program called File Salvage. Pretty cool, Got another program, Data Rescue... Both programs rescued my deleted data, not only those in the “Latest Work” folder, but ALL deleted data in these few months. No way to rescue only those files from “Latest Work” folder, and No way to trace the file deleted date. So, I got about 200 Logic files and few thousands of audio files in .wav, .mp3, . aiff, etc formats. No file names, All messed up!!!!

I gotta open one by one to find those files back in the”Latest Work” folder. Spent like, let say, 24 hours, and I ended up sleeping only 2 hours. Woke up at 8am continue....

Here I come, the most GERAM (Frustrating in Malay) was, FARK!!! those audio files that laid out on Logic Arrange Windows.... ALL MESSED UP!!!!
The regions are still there, but they couldn’t recognize the right audio files. Hell !!!
OK put them back, match them, 2 days 2 nights !!!

Here and there some small tiny “data hunt”, another one day. On Thursday that week, NOV 16. I started my work as usual, on James Bathroom Film and Mo’s Album... 5 days just flew away because of a stupid click!!! FARK!!!



I was in tears... almost

I have to sleep.... very sleepy. Just copy and paste an email to my client here. You will understand.
~~~~
Hi xxx,

i got very serious problem here. I accidentally deleted a folder this morning. The worst thing was I didn't check before I emptied the trash. I noticed that in the afternoon when I was about to work on your score... and I couldn't find the folder!!! including another 2 films that I recently scored and the album that I've been working on for the past 2 weeks. All my work in the recent 3 weeks, GONE!
Cry...

Anyway, I spent almost 100 for a Data Recovery software and have been spending my whole evening recover those deleted files. I almost got back all the files, including the LOGIC files that I did for the dreaming scene. Problem is I can't find the 2GB Quick time file that you gave me. I think it's too big for the "rescue trash", and permanently deleted.

Is there anyway that I can get the Quicktime file, maybe from your partner?
Please give me a ring once you get back. My carelessness really put me in deep shit.
I already watched the film many times and I think I can make some rough draft at the meantime.

Enjoy your trip and hope this won't bring you too much worries,
Ken

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I did something bad recently. The god is punishing me! Don’t do bad things.

CH, don’t peep!!!
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Monday, November 13, 2006

Showhorn's running away again

The Cruel shoehorn is running away from his blogspot, an old blanket that accompanied him going though quarter-life crisis . Sorry for that, iWeb and Mac are just too cool.

So, come visit

Shoehorn's new blog - web.mac.com/hfken

Cool?

I screwed up too... sometimes

This is one of the cues that I was well-prepared, but I screwed up a little. I used Shakuhachi in this cue, and I wrote about 2 tones higher than it should be. Unlike flute and clarinet, Shakuhachi is very strict to its range and timbre change. I noticed it’s like recorder, the highest pitch can be clearly distinguished... but too late, I noticed that in the studio.

I already did some research, listened to some shakuhachi CDs, checked out the player that night and his past recordings (he recorded for the Last Samurai), made sure I understand the timber, especially the beautiful solo range... what can I say? A very big lesson - get 3 times more prepared than you should when you’re taking something serious. For me, once I take things seriously, I’ll get my ass kicked if I don’t make it...
Perhaps, I’m not strong enough.

I listened to Steve Mazzaro’s stuff. he is Doreen’s classmate. I felt I was hella small after listening his work. What have I done in LA? Ya, I did some gigs, regularly... but so what? I haven’t done something really big, written something I’m really proud of. I took too long to recover from the breakup. I often blamed the breakup swallowed up my inspiration. I didn’t try to tackle a higher destiny. After a year, I still haven’t got my 1st indie, not even the symphony score for NY... I’m still doing shorts and sometimes pop. Worst, getting gigs from KL... Well, hell yeah!

2 more months, 3 more the most, How far can I go? We’ll see. I gotta show my cards on my table, no shit.

A message from my heart

From my heart to UPM Music Department, a reply to Mr. Chan's reply to a harsh message I posted previously at Malaysia Music Forum

Harsh Message -  

Most of us have this attitude -
I come, I see, I leave...
Don't give a damn.
Or, I don't think I have the standard to say anything,
Or, Sorry... I am busy. (hey dudes, does it mean whoever who posted their opinions here have been free or jobless? I know some of us are busy, ME TOO, but I strongly believe MOST of us don't feel like saying anything)
And it's always "true" that people like to say "I don't say shit doesn't mean I don't care."

Anyway, great to see some little enthusiasm from some of us in the past 2 weeks... BUT
Without reason, this forum cools down again.
We always have brief period of enthusiasm.

I am SURE there will be some people feel pissed after I say this.
But sorry, this is really what I feel everytime I talk to Malaysians. and we are discussing some bad attitudes that we are actually carrying out.

Chan's message -  

... ...
 

My reply to Chan's message -  

1st thanks to chan for the reply. I was expecting your feedback.
Sorry for being rude, and I definitely apprehend the consequence of sending the last posting - Creating a huge pressure and tention among members. I always make sure I don't criticize people but the sin, and I am sorry if I did it, unconsciously.
I hope you understand my intention of sending a sincere caution to all of us. Maybe not in a right way, but your reply well corrected me and set a good direction in this forum.

Seniors are not perfect, I am not perfect for sure. I am still learning and still screwed up sometimes. There are much more room to improve, not limited to music, but also in my self cultivation, career direction, and even my language and communication techniques, etc...

"I have written the message, but did not have the courage to press the send button" - I wrote the last posting, clicked send... deleted it after a while. and decided to rewrite and posted my thought after I realized I couldn't concentrate on my work. I open up myself. Do all of you?

I am using bad english all the time. So, please don't hesitate to express because of your language ability. In fact, it should be a good chance to write your best english here, as well as start networking, learn to sneak into an on-going discussion, get yourself started.

I am always proud of the achievement of our music department. I think UPM music department is STILL one of the best school in Malaysia, because of the involvement of Chan, and ALL other lecturers. I totally understand how hard the situation has been these few years especially after Chee Meng's batch. But I still encourage my friends to go to UPM, but with a promise to me of more hard work and serious concentration especially when having classes with our lecturers. I respect all our juniors who are still in UPM. I heard good comments from LAM and Arrif. I think you all (students) are the reason these good lecturers remain in this fading department. They can go somewhere else for better compensation.... whatever nice words, I sincerely thank to all our lecturers. I think you are tremendously notable perople. And you all are definitely a good mirror to all musicians in overseas, and encourage us to return to our country to contribute whatever we can. I believe Chee Meng, Chern Hwei, especially whoever who still keep in touch with UPM lecturers have the same thought.

Don't feel shy... all of us were at the same beginning. How well we are in future, we still ought to go through all emberrassing learning proccess. Older people definitely don't laugh or look down at juniors. all of us were scolded hard by lecturers before. I am a famous example! Friends still laugh at me how I got scolded in past. In short, if you step back because you are shy (that applies to whatever personal emotion that stops you from expressing yourself)... then you must learn to open up yourself no matter what. Don't wait until it's too late, and difficult to change yourself especially when you have to find a job or pursue a career in this crazy world.

Thanks Hui Sin for your active involvement. It's very encouraging. Still looking for more new juniors and please invite more members. And please don't limit this forum to UPM people and department topic. I think we shouldn't always address ourselves as UPM people (Although I always did), becuase it might stop other people step into this forum.

FYI, I will not be as active as in the past for coming 2 weeks because of my work. But I am keeping track on this forum, and never lost track. If I can't "tahan", I will post a short buzz
:D

What if I were a....

Slumbering - Who the heck... - Stop staring at me - Give me a break! - Whatever...
STUPID HUMAN!!!

I know 2 guys who love squirrels
1. Chern Hwei's HMI friend whose expression similar to Justin - Jules Buckley who always wants to feed a squirrel and got bitten on his thumb.

2. Myspace mate, Jason, an electronic freak who calls himself a red squirrel .


I often look at squirrels outside my balcony lately when I have writer block. I would be happy to live as a squirrel. Eat sleep play sex and sometimes having some stupid humans trying to get attention from them...

Who cares which one is the masterpiece god had created - Adam or Eve.
And who cares who the hell looking at me - Hor or Whore, Ho or Hole...

At least, be an occasional squirrel flashing in our crazy life... like what I am slumbbering around now.
pretty cool huh?

Pictures taken at balcony outside my room

No Merdeka :(

MERDEKA!!!!!!!!!!!
But I don't feel it

Everything Cram NOW!!!!! So, I don't care about the merdeka feel :D
Hey, Miss home :(

REALIZATION !!

Just like the last few times I wrote here after reading Martha's BIG TIME blog, here comes the REALIZATION !!

The Circle of Composing Gig
Hyper-Inspired Beginning, then the clearly stated period of 9 stages
Red underlined is the stage I am in now.

1. Always an Excessively Perfect LONG Draft

2. So-called "Writer Block" Realization

3. Proscrastinate (Often a House Cleaning Season)

4. Hyper-Motivated "The Deadline Factor" Realization

5. Draft-to-Craft Aggressiveness

6. The "Oh F*ck I'm Screwed!" Realization

7. Everything Cram

8. 24hrs Deadline (AFTER) Cram

9. After War Knock-out Celebration

Repeat steps 1-9 one to three times a month and go throughly insane in the process

PS: The last stage can be just knockout, no celebration. But usually, will pass out finally... then the next day "How did I finish that crap in 24 hours" Conclusion. Then, "Ha Ha Ha" mood for quite some time. Sometimes the mood overlaps with a new circle.

DUH !

What I thought about anger

Something I tried to control lately (coz I don't know who I should be angry with), Something I learned after having drinking chat yesterday with my best japanese friend, something that I'm not really good in - anger management.

Extreme anger will trigger a higher blood pressure surge. Expressing in the right way, however, can be cathartic.

Expressing anger under a right condition, or the word "venting" preferably used, is good to avoid getting into psychological trouble, depression, specifically. Most of the people who are having depression are from a disciplined family or a robotic company. They are often educated or controlled to keep feelings inside instead of expressing them, especially anger. As a result, they will find difficulties in expressing themselves. Their lack of confidence could be obvious when they get nervous and pressured.

In Asia countries, children are educated that venting can't solve problems. When the children reach maturity, they are more likely to feel lack of confidence. They are not confident when speaking if their expressions are over controlled. Some of the children might experience slow maturation compare to others who brought up in an openly expressive family.
Cultural factors can be a main factor in structuring a society's behavior of managing anger. Japanese women who were often not allowed to vent years ago, have a higher possibility of committing suicide. One of the consequences of this culture also compels active prostitution in Japan in the recent decades due to increasing cases of missing teenaged daughters. This phenomenon is no longer a myth since more young girls choose not to stay at home because of parental control on their behavior.

I agree that humans are more healthy venting reasonably than keeping it inside. Therefore, it is important to express yourself optimistically. It is also necessary to find the right solution for the problems after venting. Venting without solution is a misusage of emotion, and it is opposed to your reason for venting.

Haha, end up a bit crappy. After reading Martha's blog, usually, ended up writing nonsense here.
I know martha will give me COLD comment again! That kind of big slap IN-YOUR-FACE comment!!

MESSED UP !

DAMN!!!! I REALIZE I MESSED UP MY BLOG TEMPLATE!!!!!
Will fix it when I am free. :(