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Showing posts with label Love n Bittersweet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love n Bittersweet. Show all posts

Thursday, May 08, 2008

蓝色大门狂想曲:一个射手被射的心情

被射的总是搞不清楚方向那飞来的箭

~张仕豪心想,
“很像是你射的,是吧...”
射手暗里打点另一个射手,
“暗里射,那算光明正大的丘比特?!“

2:00 - 4:45 am
~张仕豪享受被乱射着

4:45 am
“... ...”
~忽然,孟克柔沉默了...

4:59 am
“你又哑了哦?”
好像那无良射手又又又失踪了,

5:15 am
~有人牙痛乱叫了一下
(sorry,笔者无心口臭... 是回教堂喇)

5:30 am
“去了那里??”
呆呆的等,
等射我的射手。

6:02 am
“坏人!!”
傻傻的守,
守很久了。
刺在我心的又好像不是你的箭。



6:15 am
又很像... 可能...
算了
应该是我自刺的。

6:29 am
同样是射手,
为何只有一个在爽射
一个永远在挨射
~张仕豪觉悟!

6:37 am
蓝色大门前
张仕豪还在等,想:
“孟克柔是坏人”

6:45 am
~张仕豪现在很想咬人!

—————————————————————————

其实我在狂想蓝色大门的情节...
好戏推荐 PS: 蓝色大门是一部台湾独立电影,很不错的校园小品。清清的,淡淡的。
我想起蓝色大门的另一个 posting - 没有想到我遇到了

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

画家遇见爱

画家转身遇见小女孩,想:
如果一张画含着千言万语
那为何不让我画你呢?
因为心倦泪也乾时
想画你在心深处。
情画藏了十年,
发觉真爱难遇,难舍也难了。

然后发现
最远的距离
不是星星之间的轨迹
而是纵然轨迹交汇
却在转瞬间无处寻觅

到处寻觅,
然后以为寻到了源头,
该上路..。
有些爱人走了几步,到岸了;
也有人走上千里路,
前面还是坎坷无终点。

当两人踏入森林就别失散,迷路了就很糟糕。
可能各自离开森林,可能遇到另一个迷路人
也可能两人一起找到出路。

那画家呢?
就在转角处,再遇小女孩,
惊喜,仔细看,再用心发现,然后再期待... 但心情还会一样吗?

心若倦了,泪也乾了,小女孩不笑了。
这份心情,难舍难了,期待还有来么?

在转角处遇见的惊喜,仔细看,发现了...
原来最远的距离,
不是两人不能相爱
而是拥抱时,心难搭心。
一个不羁奔跑的宙斯,
一个纯洁完美的艾斯特莱雅,
纵然轨迹交汇,
但可以期待吗?

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Gloomy Sunday

外面天气热热的
房里空气凉凉的
工作烦得我难以呼吸
心情更是莫名沉重...

沉重?怎么沉重?

所以在写blog减重,哈!

想起了以前的我,以前的满足...
很模糊的感觉,但不知为何还在很努力地回忆,很酸。
如果我乖乖的不逃,现在应该会过得很幸福
如果我及时补牢,照理我会有我的家,正浸在懒懒的星期天
如果... 算吧!很早就没有如果了,因为是她... 变了
nono, 那个她,死了。
这样的定论比较合理...

段段感情来又去,过客来了去我依然在找
找什么?我忘了...

一直以为只有我在逃,
其实也有别人在逃。
最近才觉悟的,哈真好笑
-_-|||
也有过客逃到我视线外,
真的不见了。
不然就莫名奇妙,
我!变成陌生人。

其实我才是过客,
因为好像只有我还没上岸。
形式上有时好像上了岸,
但我的灵魂还在飘飘飘....
(我在讲什么...)



...我想我是忘了我以前是怎么爱的
应该是在找这个


这个星期天,搞什么忧郁?

Thursday, March 27, 2008

搬走了吗?

如常的回家,回去你心房里的家。
以为我会如常的被想念,但原来挖了个无底洞自己在陷!
心房还在,但你不在。
你也碎了... 你真的搬走了...
是吗?


click here to play “回到碎了的心房里” if the player doesn't work.

碎了就走, 留下我单独!
拾碎片,掌被割,心也割...
以为你懂了,但还是没轻放。

累,我去睡。

爱是易碎物
请小心轻放

你绝心的摔
我慢慢的拾,割到了自己的掌,也割心。

夜了,愁了,感觉重重的...
无助,心哭,我的坟墓在你心里那处?


Click here to play “八卦” if the player doesn't work

我的房间变了,你要来看看吗?
看了才摔可以吗?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

没有想到我遇到了


click here to play “Tum Tum 转” if the player doesn't work.



这些是我在2003年8月23日burn去CD的蓝色大门的照片和故事。我还在光良哪儿工作,那时我已经很累了,很想逃了。两年多后我在飞机上遇到了一个和孟克柔很像的人。看到了还傻了一眼。
见到她3个月后我就开始为一部中文片配乐。导演拿了蓝色大门的DVD要我听电影里的音乐。我做那部电影时满脑都是你... 那部短片有得奖的哦... 哈哈哈 
蓝色大门的导演也是UCLA毕业的哦!

我在准备明天在大学的讲座,找着资料,无经意的看到这片CD,好奇开来看看有什么重要的在里面... 






现在有想你。

Monday, October 08, 2007

It comes to an end... soon

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am 

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

For SAGIs today... 

Thinking about your relationships is not helpful today. You have to act on them.


While your focus has been on other people in your life lately, thinking completely about your current relationships is not going to be possible today. But that is a good thing -- it's time to get yourself refocused on who you are alone, as an individual. You may be running the risk of losing yourself in the noise of socializing. Ask yourself honestly if you are working so hard on friendships and relationships with other people to avoid working hard on yourself.

Idiotic Romance in Sagittarius


Some one told me...

One day when he stops running, he is trapped... or there is preparation for another witless runaway process? ... whether it's a runaway process on hyperreality or a breathless commitment, the feeling of caring or being cared in comfort, or simply for the sake of running away...

If this will happen, let it happen quick... An affair that will never be stable, sometimes, is too comfortable to commit.

This I am sure...
I am averse to going to wedding dinners.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Summer Dawn

I thought of my grand ma everytime I listened to this old work of mine. I wrote this for a class I took in UCLA, in summer 2 years ago around the same time as now, september, summer, and was done on monday early morning. my 2nd year in LA when I did this, my 2nd summer in Westwood. The music was then used in a gig i was working on in December the same year.


If the plugin doesn't work, try this - http://web.mac.com/hfken/iWeb/Music/Scores_files/SummerDawn.mp3

I like dawn, waiting for the 1st of light of the day. I actually wrote this for my grandmother. It didn't take me too long to come out with the theme and scratch, because the thought was so strong.

The beginning child-like theme is me infront of my grandma, she likes to listen me on piano. the main theme with groove is describing each time at which daylight first begins.... getting brighter when it goes to piano improvising with the main theme. the middle part piano solo is all about my grandma, her kindness, tenderness... then comes back to dawn theme, finally back to me playing piano as a child for her.

My family was going back to my hometown to visit her 5 years ago. I decided to stay at the very last minute for a small project. I didn't sleep that night for this project. I completed the mixing just before dawn. When I step out the room for a cigarette, a sudden light made me blink... i thought of grandma at that very moment.

She passed away in that morning...


_______________

Ok.... enough with sentimental thought... before it gets a bit corny. Ok.. did this all in Reason. played it in one by one...
The main theme is made up with Cm9 Cm13 Cm9 FM7/C then 2nd time go to 3 weird chords (they're hella beautiful for me)
Development part is sentimental like - Cm Fm7 Bb7 EbM7 AbM7 DbM7 Dm7 G(b13)...
ps: actually sometimes when you see me doing the piano solo part, not most of the time... I mean sometimes laaa... that means either I was lazy, which has been seldom, or I was rushing out work and I was running out of time... so just Hantam la. LOL.
then back to main theme again.
The idea is pretty simple - Intro (free time), Main theme, Development (free time), Main theme, Recap of Intro (free time).

So far this is the one I played my heart the best at the time I was working.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

When a Sag meets another Sag 2

She said,
空氣的微分子瀰漫著你的香味~濃濃的巴黎香從我的面前輕飄而過~這時我卻駐足在世界的另一端.

She said,
射手敗在射手的手裡
一個不懂
哎~
不懂不懂

She said,
你醒了就好
雖然我還在昏迷



半世纪以前,我经历第一个不懂,震伤了人也震伤自己。还好我是生还者,她藏爱被发现后,消失了几年。
一年前的此刻,又来一次的不懂,让我再次思考这个不懂不懂的不懂,被震重伤的是我。
半年后,旧爱报喜,新郎不是我... 我醒了 - 我放开了这个不懂
一年后今天我有了一个结论- 当射手遇上射手,地震难免... 只在于大或小,他或她... 从不见有任何一对一拍即合,但可以预测到两个多会被震伤,看是谁早谁迟,谁重谁轻;因为两个在互射。

I exclaimed,
原来第二个不懂的你是另一个收藏者。然后藏宝图被人发现,收藏者准备消失。

I said,
爱, 是易碎物品
请小心轻放

Now I declare,
我不懂自己说什么不懂,夜了... 不懂也就算了。
乱扯!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Flash back on a surprise party on my birthday


Just miss LA too much...

Before the party, connie brought me to California Pizza Kitchen, had a sweet romantic dinner.... just too happy about during the dinner and never thought of having a surprise party. Thanks connie.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

转角,遇见爱

惊喜,仔细看,再用心发现,然后期待...

Friday, December 08, 2006

When a Sag meets another Sag

It’s certainly true when a Sag meet another Sag...


都是你讓我痛苦

  不擅長保密的射手,一旦見異思遷或是感覺冷淡時,約會、電話的次數都會明顯的下降,打電話去或是CALL他的呼機也不會回,有大哥大的會常常關機,反正你們見面的次數越少,距離分手的時間就越近。愛逃避問題的射手座是打太極拳的老手,只要對這段感情覺得很痛苦,他絕對有本事讓你以為問題出在你自己身上,往往等你清醒過來,再回頭已是百年身,覺悟吧!

射手座也是最缺乏信心的暗戀者。射手座看到合適的異性,鼓不起勇氣追求對方或者刻意接近對方。對射手座來說,暗戀是無從入手或者不能落手的棋局。他們經常徘徊於情愛與放棄之間,不知應否表白愛意。

射手男心底深處有不為人知深度的一面,可是婚前的他實在太輕浮了,常常滿嘴胡說八道,再加上孩子重的他處世態度很自由行為又狂放不羈,可是一旦他步入婚姻之後細膩的一面就出現了,有必要時他不僅可以洗手做羹湯,還會全力去照顧另一半,最重要的是他會對婚姻非常忠實。

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Just a Little




For the sake of 6 years in my memory... just a little gloomy.
I’m truly happy for you, greeting under my breath.

DAMN... Martha’s words keep whispering in my ears since this morning. You giggle, I burn Shah Alam !!!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Wai and Weng, and Ping



From the picture: Wai Ken Seng Weng.

I have 2 scorpio brothers which are in water sign, I’m a sagittarius, fire.
I had a scorpio high-school girl friend. I’m a sag, hot hot and burning!!!

They all had their birthday this month. Today, Nov 13 is Weng’s 20th birthday, my youngest baby a.k.a. The Mirror :)
Haha he is still underage... sorry he is not available.

My 3rd younger brother, Wai had his 24th birthday last week on Nov 8
... OK !!! You’re the most handsome among 4 of us.
... OKOK !! ‘m saying it from the bottom of my.... ...
...
...
...
...
pencil box.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OK la, you’re the most handsome one and your girl friend is the most beautiful among all of ours now... but it doesn’t mean much if just a girlfriend. See whose wife is the most xxx...
Whatever... as long as not a “pig-leg” and “vegetarian”... hahaha

I learned to appreciate this brotherhood only after I broke up with Mei Yen, my 2nd girlfriend and someone I thought I would spend my whole life with.
It might be a bit late, but I’m glad I finally realize how important you are to me.
I didn't know how to express my love especially during my high school... regret that I didn't spend much time with you guys when I was at home.

Now after the breakup with Cheshire, I see things more clearly, more wisely, and promised myself I will always put my parents and brothers in 1st priority after I get home.

Miss our old days especially when we played basketball together. Coz that's the time we do things together, the time we have the same goal. Although I am not as good, I really hope that we are always in the same team... for basketball, living, sharing, caring, etc.
It doesn't really matter whether we win or not, but I enjoy the quality of the process and the renascent moment.

Seng, Wai, Weng... I love you.



Ok... This is my high school girl, Ai Ping. Charming huh? We were 17 that year. Unfortunately, we broke up few months later. It was a very pure puppy love.


She is married laaaaa. I’m a loser ok???

Will talk more about her next time... gotta sleep.




Recent happenings I wanna ramble... but next time:
- Screening that I recently attended and the music
- Ai Ping my puppy love.
- My Cousin Keat and his wedding... Hey homies, show me picture!
- My data recovery adventure.... Dork!!!... OKKKIEE my fault... but still.... fuck!
- Mike’s birthday.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Current Affairs & Ramblings...

Maurico’s Album
- R&B-Pop, Justin Timberlake kinda stuff, a bit of hip-hop taste
- Still arrangement stage
- Will soon go to studio... means it will be finished soon! Yeah!


James Jauregui’s Film
- In progress... still. More info click here

Giovanni Chen’s Film
- Will start composing the end credit song. He will start shooting in January, and I will only get to score it when he gives me the final cut. This film will be a blast in festivals!
More info click here

Orchestral Score for Ken’s Premiere
- Seems like I can’t make it. But I will try my best.

O ya, WanJun told me that her album will launch soon in KL and Taipei. can’t wait to see that! I composed 4 tracks for her, Justin did about another 4 tracks.



HALLOWEEN AFTERMATH........

So Halloween has come and gone.

Had some happening time with Nori and Fumi. We went to Indian’s Oven, a restaurant near by my apartment. I brought too many business to them - ChernHwei, Doreen, my roommates (so many times!), Connie, and on Halloween Nori!!! One of the workers there even called me name. I forgot his name thou... Anyway, they serve real good indian food, even better than most of those I had back home.

Sorry, no pictures to show. I think I should take some when I go there next time.

Something really awesome. We passed by a corner house on the way walking to Indian’s Oven, and there was an open-house show, by the neighborhood (I supposed). They play little opera (haha I don’t know the term, Chern Hwei said Bangsawan, funny). They played american folk stories, bedtime stories, like our chinese opera. Many people, in fact families, were standing around the small little stage and enjoying. They seems like dressed up a lil to attend the “Bangsawan”, showing some respect! I looked like a homeless that day with my green sweater on.

Felt warm in my heart to see people here still trying to maintain their cultures, and remind me about my homies back home... I’ve never seen Chinese Opera (DAI HEI) since long time ago. The last time I saw it was when I went to Penang. Many old things are fading... really sad! I can’t imagine what I can show my children in future. I don’t them to see everything online.... and accidentally click some porn links!

Weeeellll, Halloween is their big day... and they really celebrate it hell out of them!! I had crazy halloween celebrations for the past 2 years, and I was a demon cow (actually not... a female cow with huge nippers). I didn’t join my friends this year. Doreen and Weiyann asked me to go to the Gay Parade, which is a big attraction in LA. I missed a big Malaysian party in Alhambra coz I didn’t get a ride.
But I rather stayed at home, had some drinks with Nori, had a good sleep, then worked the next day.

Meanwhile, we had some great chat during dinner. Some really sensitive topics popped up when we talked about cultures. Fumi and Nori are very interested about Malaysia, and don’t understand how our life look like there. I told them we have real indian food there, and Fumi questioned me “have you been to India? They must be different.” Got a bit harsh at one point...
O hell, we Malaysians maintain our culture very well, somehow, still doing what our nenek moyang (ancestor) were doing. He just doesn’t understand how Malaysia was brought up by 3 main ethnic groups, and we are strongly holding our religions and cultures. At least we are still eating real Chinese, Malay, Indian food back home! China mainland people don’t have religion, Taiwanese are just too modern to do old folk stuff. Chinese in Thailand and Indonesian.... they can barely write their own name!

Talking about China, Nori started venting... kept criticizing China lying about the NanJing assassination.. like China always lies about the amount killed. I got a bit harsh too! I don’t know how many exactly, I ain’t surprised at all if Chinese lie. Chinese are always big-mouth, no doubt! But does it mean Japanese didn’t kill a lot of people when they invaded mainland? Hell! I asked him if he saw those pictures, human stacked up like a hill, the way they killed babies, and what about the fucking crazy experiment of bacteria weapon on real human? FUCK!
and I am not forgetting Japanese came to Malaysia before, and we heard lots of stuff from our parents, not magazine. When talking about NanJing, I see from the point of view of a Malaysia, a person out of China. I say no shit for China, But, I’m a living human and can’t accept the fact - not a murder case, not killing people parties.... it’s far more crazier than that, it’s an assassination of a nation, at the highest magnitude!

We got a bit harsh, but not fighting at all... at one point he tried to change topic. Then I thought why are we doing this? I’m glad that I know such a great guy... who the hell cares what happened in past. We got out of the topic, and I glad we did.

All in all, exactly had 3 huge bottles of Miller Draft, few cups of wine... No more left... Dudes lets gather again when I get my shit done, I’ll definitely drink you under the table, see who falls drunk first.

Nori, is definitely one of the best friends I have in LA, and I definitely my pleasure! Friendship is far more important than those stupid history. Those stupid stuff our nenek moyang did... forget and move on!

Friday, October 27, 2006

When a SAG meets a "Fish"



我向一个双鱼座的朋友分析她的新婚射手座丈夫

射手座就喜欢追⋯ 不停地射。
如果是小白兔而已,就会丢掉,再去找别的。

爱上射手本来就很危险
因为射了人就会想逃
逃远了,就会想回来看看你是死是活

    我那双鱼座的朋友就说:
          雙魚女沒什麼要求
          只希望她愛的人好好愛她而已 就這麼簡單
          但雙魚女無法忍受她愛的人花心
          因為她自己是全心全意的⋯ 要懂得珍惜她

他妈的!我近年来都遇到双鱼。早先被一条我一直以为很不错的伤到残废,不知干麻又来了几条小的老的。已经好几条了...
可能我在水里不善于射箭,都瞄不准!

还是去射兔吧⋯ 松鼠也不错!
可是她看着我怎么射呢? @#%⋯

Sunday, September 03, 2006

writing about myself... moving on


Party animal sometimes, love drinking, basketball regularly, "working" in front of computer, often rushing deadlines (Cantonese - Yao Ak Lik)! But most of time... slumbering around :D

I'm a typical Sagittarius, and a perceptive person. Music and Love is very much about my life. "I work for music, I live for love" HAHA.. What a dumb quote! I can be very sluggish when I have something not settled (Cantonese - Mei Gai Quik), or when I am stuck in certain cases. I am a DOS when I am working - monofuctional ! especially when composing or dealing with sound.

Working as freelanced composer, orchestrator in LA. Finding my way in this crazy dreamland. Finding a new life here, a new me, a very different one from days back in KL. I am having my single life now, 1st time in past 10 years... it seems like I'm running away from a stable life now. I'm a runaway principal of a music institute in Malaysia, I ran away from an established career... I call myself a runaway shoehorn... coz my high school bandmates called me shoehorn.

I am moving on. Will start writing often here as before the breakup in March. Cheshire, you are out of my world. No shit.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Quarter-life Crisis

Some syndrome after the breakup of a stable relationship.
All of the sudden, all bad thoughts are dwelling in your mind at the same time, over and over. They're hunting me... it's just too tiring to intentionally get over it.

Why am I scared now?
afraid to face all these problems? deny the fact of losing? escaping? feel shame to be unstable?
Sorry, I was messed up. Still recovering.

The first time I had similar experience was the first year I graduated from UPM. Hardwork and good attitude got me through all difficulties in those years. When I finally got along in my career, I left for a bigger dream (?). Am I dumb? and this time is even more difficult. I hope I still have the determination to achieve like I was in past.

YES, I am in deep shit now! Stop worrying and start putting my shoulder to the wheel.

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One-night-stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself...and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Go back to Shoehorn's Ramblings